Thursday, August 9, 2007

Writhing around in mud

People seriously underestimate the power of old people.

For one thing they've been around for so long they are like wrinkled old goldmines, just filled with gems of stories.
Also in goldmines, however, is dirt.
Lots and lots of it.

People often forget that once you tap into an old person they can pretty much tell you all the filth involving everyone (even you most likely).

I've been going to dinner with my grandmother a lot this summer and it's been actually pretty fun. It's so easy for a relative to be pegged as 'the crazy one' or 'the fat one' or 'the one with a peg-leg'
While she definitely has her issues, I feel a connection with her since I have my issues as well.

The best part of talking with my grandma is hearing alllll the juicy gossip about my family members.

My family always felt so boring and normal while growing up.
As I get older I begin to realize there's a lot more beneath the surface.
And I'm finally feeling like I belong to a real family now....gossip and darkness galore.

I feel like my family is the crisp white linen cloth on a 5-star restaurant table. It's corners perfectly creased.
But I want to clutch one of those corners and tear it clear off the table causing the sparkling silverware to go flying. I want to hear the plates shatter on the ground. Underneath will be the old mangled table. Cuts in the wood from knives. Stains. Splinters and rough edges.

I will finally feel like I'm seeing it for the first time.

This is how I want to know my family.
Fuck white tablecloths.

After this epiphany while at dinner with my grandmother tonight. It hit me. I finally get the scene in "I Heart Huckabees" when they are rolling around in the mud, rubbing the dirt over their bodies. I've seen the movie countless times and that scene remained a mystery to me.
I get it.

I'm in my tree.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007


I had completely forgotten I started this.

What's even scarier is I can't remember who "you know who you are" even was! I feel like there was one person in particular asking me to blog...but I've drawn a blank. This is a little haunting since I've been feeling more and more like a senior citizen as the days pass.

I've been wanting to get back into art so I went and bought pastels today. I was a dumbass and bought regular pastels (aka: chalk) instead of oil pastels. Needless to say my drawing looked like a blind 5yr old had drawn it with their I've gone back to playing the role of "frustrated artist".

I saw a dermatologist today. He was one of those doctors who obviously had failed his Bedside Mannerisms exam, because he was trying way too hard.
He had this bizzare way of smiling nonstop with his eyes very wide.
As he described the mildly invasive surgery I was about to get - he was smiling.
As he told me I couldn't wear my ipod because I might get electrocuted- he was smiling.
"Now I'm going to burn the insides of the wound so the blood vessels are sealed...." He said to me with a manic smile.
It seriously was disconcerting.
I tried to small chat as he filed away at my arm.
"Sooooo, what got you interested in dermatology?"
Such a weird afternoon.

I'm sad from being a workaholic.

Once this job is over, I will be as free as a naked baby running across a lawn, giggling hysterically, while his parents try to chase him down.
THAT kind of free!