Thursday, August 9, 2007

Writhing around in mud

People seriously underestimate the power of old people.

For one thing they've been around for so long they are like wrinkled old goldmines, just filled with gems of stories.
Also in goldmines, however, is dirt.
Lots and lots of it.

People often forget that once you tap into an old person they can pretty much tell you all the filth involving everyone (even you most likely).

I've been going to dinner with my grandmother a lot this summer and it's been actually pretty fun. It's so easy for a relative to be pegged as 'the crazy one' or 'the fat one' or 'the one with a peg-leg'
While she definitely has her issues, I feel a connection with her since I have my issues as well.

The best part of talking with my grandma is hearing alllll the juicy gossip about my family members.

My family always felt so boring and normal while growing up.
As I get older I begin to realize there's a lot more beneath the surface.
And I'm finally feeling like I belong to a real family now....gossip and darkness galore.

I feel like my family is the crisp white linen cloth on a 5-star restaurant table. It's corners perfectly creased.
But I want to clutch one of those corners and tear it clear off the table causing the sparkling silverware to go flying. I want to hear the plates shatter on the ground. Underneath will be the old mangled table. Cuts in the wood from knives. Stains. Splinters and rough edges.

I will finally feel like I'm seeing it for the first time.

This is how I want to know my family.
Fuck white tablecloths.

After this epiphany while at dinner with my grandmother tonight. It hit me. I finally get the scene in "I Heart Huckabees" when they are rolling around in the mud, rubbing the dirt over their bodies. I've seen the movie countless times and that scene remained a mystery to me.
I get it.

I'm in my tree.

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