Monday, February 23, 2009

Sober One Day. (am I faking it?)

We make our own gravity to give weight to things.
-Ani Difranco

What did I ever use the internet for before facebook? I have no idea what to do with it now. I’ve found myself refreshing missed connections or perezhilton a lot….because these are so much better for my emotional health than fb. Once an addict always an addict eh?

I was smacked with this really intense fear today at work. A mom told me something and I roared with laughter. Then my brain shrieked, “that wasn’t funny!” And I stopped. I hadn’t even realized I’d faked the laughter, it’d just exploded out of me, tilted face, squinted eyes, the whole package.
It’s really scary to recognize my ability to fool even myself.
How often am I faking it? Am I faking life? The funny thing about continually melting in and out of depression and anxiety is the line between functioning & non-functioning is blurred. I can’t tell if I’m really having good days or if I just know I should be having a good day.

I tried to write a poem today in my fish class titled Leaves about a girl who’d climbed to the top of a tree, but it’s proved much more difficult than I’d anticipated.

Hope your day is beautiful.

1 comment:

mikachu said...

hello my name is kristine okimura and i am now following your blog. ^_^
if you would like to try to do some more things on the internet other than facebook please allow me to make a few suggestions
- internet comic (there are so many varieties) one of mine that you may like is
i'm not sure what you'll like but i'm sure a little bit of internet searching will turn up some good leads.
-i've been reading other blogs lately! for fun. some of them are science blogs a very accessable climate change one i've found is so literature online mags for you maybe?
-in that same more? lol i suspect you do plenty of reading so i dunno.
- this may amuse you for a while.

don't feel obligated to do all these i just am glad to be reading your blog ( :