Wednesday, March 25, 2009


Last February I got oral surgery for gum recession.
The surgeons front desk had a small glass bowl full of chapstick, glossy labels advertising the business. I took one before walking into surgery.
After the darkest hour of my physical life I snagged one more tube of chapstick on my way out - as a statement.
Both of them had their labels soon ripped off. I wanted no chance of giving them extra business..

The recovery was long. They'd told me it would be a quick recovery!
The recovery was very painful. They'd told me I might have some mild discomfort.

I went in a week later to have the stitches taken out and I snagged another tube of chapstick as my passive way of saying "up yours baldy!"

At the final 3-month checkup I acquired not one, but three more tubes of their fancy advertising chapstick. (That that Dr. QuickrecoveryMilddiscomfort) Labels were torn off and thrown away.

I recently ran out of my last revenge-gloss. I'd grown fond of the light vanilla scent and I felt a little panicked at the thought of finding a new chapstick. This morning I had a teeth cleaning. My dentists office happens to be right next door to the oral surgeons.

I'd constructed roughly three different conversations/scenarios that would be my excuse for going into the surgeons office.
1.) Hello I was wondering if you guys could give me a flyer on teeth whitening? This coffee has got me on a short leash harhar...
2.) I'm here for my 10am appointment. What I don't have one? Oh I forgot I'm next door today whoops silly me harhar...
3.) I'm fucking obsessed with your free chapstick give me more!

I walked in the door and saw the small glass bowl brimming with chapsticks. A man sat waiting for an appointment.
I stood at the counter, the bowl within inches of my folded hands. The receptionist was in the corner talking to the scanner. I was about to say something, but then she chuckled at herself and kept pressing buttons. Like a flash I snagged a tube of chapstick and slid it in my sweatshirt sleeve. HarHar!
I know for a fact the man waiting behind me saw every move I made. But I didn't care. I felt exhilarated.

Without waiting for the receptionist to turn around I left the office and went to get my teeth cleaned.

It's times like those I gaze up at the heavens and whisper a suspicious, thank you?

1 comment:

heymaggiemay said...

I still have a tube of your "revenge gloss" and I always think of you